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The following article has been excerpted from The Naked Roommate, 2E By: Harlan Cohen Technology: The Fifth Wall THE TIP Don’t stay in your dorm and live online. It’s hard enough to explore on your own without having the Internet, online dating, instant messenger, video games, and all the other electronic gadgets that make being alone much more tolerable. You’ll miss out on so much.

The Story
I hated the first college I attended and the community around it. I didn’t exactly help myself make it work. The campus was a very urban place and I didn’t know anyone on campus. I wasn’t the most outward person, which didn’t help.

I’d literally spend some of my weekend nights at home online. I’d have a couple of beers, open instant messenger, and download umpteen punk rock classics online—for me that was quite a good night. I kept talking to people I previously knew from high school instead of getting out of my room and making an effort to meet more people. I was quite apathetic. It’s just so easy to get lost in it. I’d hear the “ding” or “door opening” sound and then have to see who was online. And now people have these elaborate profiles on these online journals. Be careful not to live your life online.
--senior, Emerson College

Like pop-up ads that just won’t go away, there’s a big issue that came up again and again during research for this book. This tip is another late addition (actually, I had to shift every tip up one to fir this one in here). This is the only college tip book where you’ll find this particular one—that is, until more people hear about it.

There are actually five walls in your dorm room when you arrive in college. No, The Fifth Wall is not a wall of dirty clothes (that would be the sixth wall). This wall is invisible. It’s the wall I call technology. This includes the Internet, instant messenger, email, cell phones, video games, and anything that takes an electric current to play. Getting caught behind The Fifth Wall happens when you least expect it. It works like this—college is naturally an unfamiliar and uncomfortable place. When in an unfamiliar place, your urge is to spend time in your comfort zone. This includes talking to friends from home, chatting online, hanging out on Facebook and MySpace, spending free nights and weekends talking to a long-distance boyfriend or girlfriend, dating online, instant messaging, reading and writing blogs, emailing the people closest to you, or playing video games. The Fifth Wall is easy to get stuck behind without even realizing it.

The risk is that you end up missing out on the moment. You risk missing out on meeting people face-to-face. You risk not getting involved with clubs, activities, and organizations because you’re running back to your dorm room to jump online. You risk not knowing your professors because you just email them when an issue comes up rather than talking to them (they know your username or email address, but not your face). You risk depending on your parents for everything because you’re in contact with them every day via email. You risk not being as patient or as flexible when twists and turns come up (instead of dealing, you’ll just hide and complain to anyone who will listen). You risk getting homesick more easily because you’re still so deeply rooted in everything that is part of your old life. You risk avoiding making new friends because all you do is talk to old ones. And should these old friend who are attending other colleges be having a better time than you, there’s a decent chance you might start thinking about transferring. This is not what college is supposed to be.

I’m not saying that you should avoid the computer, email, instant messaging, calling friends, and playing video games. Just be careful not to overuse them (some people get addicted). Use, but don’t abuse. Never before has it been so easy to physically be in one place but mentally in another. Watch out of The Fifth Wall—don’t get stuck behind it.

Facing The Fifth Wall: Facebook and MySpace

I don’t know how to say it, so I’ll just come out and say it. Be my friend. I’d really like for you to be my friend. Seriously, please be my friend. I need your friendship. I want your friendship. Give me your damn friendship…

What’s in it for you?

As my Facebook and MySpace friend, you can look at pictures of me on the road. You can keep tabs on my mood swings. You can also keep up-to-date on my relationship status. At times, I will let you know what I’m eating for selected meals and what I’m waering. Once in a while, I will post updates regarding competitive eating contests (I make those up). Last fall I provided regular updates on a candy corn eating contest sponsored by the Milwaukee Chamber of Commerce. I finished second with 54,543 corns in twenty-four hours (again, just a joke). Best of all, as my friend, you have a place to stay when you are traveling through Chicago (not with me, but I know a lot of hotels and city parks). I’d like for you to be my friend. Not only do I want your friendship, I’d also like you to join The Naked Roommate Facebook Group. You can find links at www.TheNakedRoommate.com or just look my profile up on Facebook or MySpace.

If you’re not familiar with Facebook or MySpace, you are probably from another planet or your parents have locked you away. Basically, these online communities allow people to stay connected, hook up, and get rejected (but not face-to-face).

The good, not so good and really not so good
The good
It feels good to get poked. It’s nice to read the writing on the wall or posts on the profile page. There are so many ways to find out so much about people you would never talk to in real life without ever opening your mouth. You can find out personal interests, academic interests, and social interests. Not only do you get to read about it, there are pictures as well (I love pictures). You can see the people and the people in their lives. On top of that you can join interest groups, send out invitations to events on campus, and communicate via email. For someone who is looking at college or is new to college, online networks are a window into the world of college life that has never been visible before. And it’s totally acceptable and not weird at all to send a note to someone on Facebook or MySpace. It can be the president of a club or organization, someone on a team sport, or a professional who can help you out. This is good.

The not so good
The problem is that some people use online networks as a substitute to actually approaching someone (shy people, strangers, stalkers). Facebook and MySpace should NEVER be a complete substitute for a face-to-face conversation. It should only be a first step. For example, even if you’re checking someone out to consider hooking up, if you discover that person is in a relationship via their profile, this should make it more comfortable to make a move. That’s right—still get to know that person. You can use their profile to find out if that person is in a serious relationship, you can find out if the preson is a cheater, or you can use it as a chance to say, “Of course you’re in a relationship. I couldm’t expect someone like you to be single for long.” Then you can start a freidnship with the person. Too many people assume too much based on these profiles. NEVER BEFORE HAS IT BEEN EASIER TO JUDGE SOMEONE BEFORE EVER MEETING THEM. It happens with friends, roommates, members of organizations. Be careful what you assume and be careful what other people assume. Use Facebook and MySpace as a way to meet people, not fantasize about or secretly follow people (aka, stalking).

The really not so good
Be careful what you post. If you’re underage, don’t post a picture of you drinking. If you’re a leader on campus, don’t post yourself doing something stupid. If you’re doing something illegal, don’t post yourself doing it. If you’re a pageant contestant, don’t post pictures of you flashing your thong at a bar. Potential employers, professors, friends, stalkers, and family have access to your information. Expect EVERYONE you don’t want to view your pictures to view them. Make sure to set your privacy settings.

Another thing to keep in mind—Facebook and MySpace can become addictive. College life shouldn’t mean spending hours on your computer living in online communities. With all the changes that come with college, online communities can become a substitute for real life communities. Use your online relationships to initiate real relationships. And one last thing before I’m done with this one—be careful you don’t get expelled. Hate speech, groups that violate student codes of conduct, and illegal activities can get you in trouble. Students have been expelled and even arrested by the police because of their Facebook activities (see the Naked Roommate eNewsletter archives for links to stories).

BOTTOM LINE:
When you email me with questions ( This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ), please don’t sit around for hours in front of your computer waiting for a reply. Get out. The reply will be there when you get back (give me a few days to a week). If I take too long to respond, write me again (I mean it).

Published in : , College Survival

Keywords : Off to College, College Survival, Obstacles, Freshman Year, Freshmen, The Fifth Wall, The Naked Roommate, Harlan Cohen, Technology

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