The following article has been excerpted from I'll Miss You Too   By: Margo E. Bane Woodacre, MSW & Steffany Bane Studying abroad is a valuable experience for college students. Travel provides adventure, confidence, and the opportunity to perfect a second language. In addition, it helps students develop better cross-cultural understanding.

In an increasingly global business world, a study abroad program can also lend a hand with the impending job search. More than ever, American students recognize the importance of study abroad in a globally interdependent world. According to the Institute of International Education (IIE), increasing numbers show that American students are continuing to reach out to the rest of the world, to experience other cultures firsthand, and to become more engaged in international affairs.

Still, only a small proportion of overall U.S. students take the opportunity to study outside the states. Fortunately, the IIE, the government, and other sponsors are working to reduce the financial hurdles in order to open the opportunity to more of the student population. Many colleges and universities offer financial packages and options with their study abroad programs. And for the curriculum, in some cases, grades and credits can transfer effortlessly.

If your child’s school does not sponsor such a study abroad program, they might have an agreement with other schools and providers of abroad studies. Even given parental support, the ultimate decision to study outside the U.S. should be something that your child embraces on her own. Given the challenges and distances involved, a child unconvinced of the potential benefits could have a depressing and, at worst, hurtful semester.

Mom

As a college student, my father wanted me to go abroad with my Spanish studies. Unfortunately, I chose not to apply because my boyfriend and social life remained at the university. Looking back, I have always regretted that decision in my life!

Accordingly, I felt great joy when Steff, finishing her sophomore year, approached me about a summer study abroad interest. Her choice was to study in Spain, since she had taken four years of high school Spanish classes. We researched programs at her university as well as offerings in our own state university. Although both schools offered excellent summer study abroad curriculums, we chose to do the program here in our home state for the convenience as well as the financial savings. It was an excellent choice. Through my daughter, I had a chance to live the study abroad experience that I had long dreamed of!

¡Listo! (Ready)

All of the paper work, travel documents, and university forms were done. The big duffle was packed, the pocket English-Spanish dictionaries and itineraries in our possession, and the passport and airline tickets in Steff’s hands. I remember the excitement as I drove Steffany to meet her university travel group for their departure. She was once again in a situation where she was joining a group of total strangers. So, there was no surprise to me that for her, there was some nervousness and last minute trepidation.

The parking lot was lively with other young adults hugging their families and piling luggage on the bus. We parked and sat for a few moments in silence observing the activity. Steff was carefully studying all her travel companions as they arrived. I, too, watched the other parents dropping off their students for the journey, already feeling a bond with them, knowing that I was not alone in my enthusiasm. We went over last minute details and, of course, parent-to-child advice, and then she, too, climbed on the bus full of anxious young travelers. I watched as the bus headed off and then drove home with joy in my heart and a tear in my eye.

Communication

Steffany was staying with a Spanish family in Granada and, although I had the address and phone numbers, our decision was to stay in touch through email. Every morning, I would go to my computer hoping to read about her adventures. I was ecstatic when I received her first email:

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Hola Mama,
We’re sitting here in this Internet cafe, in the middle of the city. Our schedule is full. We are all so very tired. Have visited places outside of Granada and am going out at night. Lots to see. I like the new friends I have made on this trip. My classes are all in Spanish, so I will be learning faster than I realized!

I am happy so far with my family and living arrangements. Anna, my “mother,” does not speak any English and I am trying to communicate the best I can! She is adorable! The weather is perfect. Except for the smoking allowed in the cafes, (a guy is blowing non-filtered smoke in my face as I type.…), I love being here. Will keep in touch.

Please fill me in on what is going on back home.

Love,
Tu hija (Your daughter)

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From: This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

Hola,

I can’t tell you how much I look forward to visiting with you through our emails! It is almost as if I am taking the trip with you. I pinch myself that you are really living the Spanish life! What an experience. Glad you like your friends. Just be yourself, be safe, be willing to learn, and take in the moments and enjoy!

Stay in touch.
Love,
Mom

Time went fast for all of us. Steff’s emails became more infrequent as she got more acclimated. I still continued to check every morning. I worried when several days went by without a message from her. Feeling I had no control from so far away was taxing for me. Once again, my lesson was to let go and trust.

One time, I caved in and called her family to see that she was doing fine. My heart pounded as I listened to the ringing on the other end; Could I handle my Spanish language? Would she be there to chat? All was fine and once I heard my daughter’s excited voice, I felt much better.

If Steff had a personal or school-related challenge and needed to ask for advice or simply vent, she would write me. Often, I purposely delayed my response until after she had dealt with her challenge on her own. I knew that this experience would open her eyes to the world outside of college and give her another true opportunity to be responsible for herself. I fully trusted that she would grow as a person.

One such incident involved a disagreement between Steff and one of the university chaperones. One morning, Steff overslept and missed the group’s tour bus. On her own, she went to the local bus station and took a bus to meet the rest of the group. The group chaperon reprimanded her for being late and warned that she would be sent back to the States if she did not abide by the schedule. Steff wrote me expressing her feelings of frustration and anger. My parental advice was: “Understand that rules must be followed for the safety of each of the students— especially in a foreign country.” I suggested that she buy an alarm clock and take more responsibility for on-time arrivals and stay with the group.

By the time she received my email, the issue had been resolved on its own.

A Connecticut family who sent their daughter off to study in Costa Rica shared:

Erin had looked forward to her summer study abroad program for months. She is a very social child who also enjoys her own company and does not need to travel with groups. So, it did not surprise us that she was taking off for a program in a foreign location, knowing no one.

When her departure day came, we were shocked to see a fearful, sobbing side of her saying that she did not want to go! It was difficult for her father and me to send her off in such a depressed state! Within a short time, however, we noticed the confident Erin back to normal. We now laugh at the about face she pulled, when she was due to come back to the States, and cried to leave Costa Rica!

She is taking off for another program this summer to Europe. The study abroad experience definitely laid the groundwork for our daughter to have more confidence in travel and in life itself.

For those who are interested, studying abroad is a great opportunity while the student is in college. The price is usually manageable, the experience is fulfilling and educational, and the trip may help open doors in the student’s future.

A student who studied in London told us:

Hands down, studying abroad was the best experience in all of my college years! I learned about other cultures, European history, and politics. I also learned more about myself. And I had fun!

Steff

Seeing other cultures and exploring new places have long been important to me. I studied abroad during the summer of my junior year. I applied through the university of my home state, which made me eligible for in-state tuition. Great for the pocketbook, it also meant I didn’t know a soul going on the trip! Mom dropped me off to join the group for the bus ride to JFK (a memorable, hot, four-hour bus ride with no air conditioning and a flat tire). There was some joking speculation that this was designed to prepare us for travel conditions in our new host country! By the time we reached the airport, I had sweated out most of my own fears! We met the rest of the group at the airport and began our journey.

We arrived in Madrid early in the morning and were staying there for a week in a hotel before we jetted off to our living quarters in Granada. This week was important for me in getting to know everyone. We visited museums, monuments, and of course the nightlife scene. After a week settling in there, it was with some trepidation that we traveled by bus to another city to live in someone else’s home.

La Familia (The Family)

We were living with families, and I was nervous over what to expect; the food, the rules, the family—and the fact they spoke no English. When the bus arrived, I stared out the window at all the heads of the households waiting for us and suddenly felt an anxiety attack coming on. When we finally unloaded the bus, we stood there in a group as they called off our names one by one. It made me feel like a puppy in the pound. “Pick me, pick me!”

My closest newfound friend’s name was called immediately, so my last line of safety was taken away from me. I felt extremely vulnerable; I was one of the last ones to be called. I had barely gotten to know my roommate, so it was hard to voice any of my concerns with her. My worry was needless, given what we found when we arrived at our home; the place was adorable, an apartment building which seemed to be located pretty centrally. I was glad our hosts spoke no English, because this would help me practice my foreign language and dialect. (I only ran into problems when I was trying to explain the more abstract things, like politics, which are hard enough for me to understand in my native tongue!)

Since I was staying in a smaller city, most destinations were in walking distance. The first few nights after school, I headed out to get to know the area. It was really cool exploring new spots, good restaurants, and great shops, and with some guidance from our hosts, security was never an issue.

Food Issues

We filled out forms before we were matched with families. I had marked “picky eater” on my form and, although my madre was very accommodating, I was not crazy about some of the deep-fried food. I wasn’t a fan of most of the authentic dishes, and walking by the butcher’s shop with hanging pigs in the window didn’t help on my food crusade. I relied often on a diet of fried eggs, potato chips, cheese, and figs. Oh, and of course, sangria.

Some nights we ate out and enjoyed being on our own with others in the group. Handling money was definitely an issue, as we all tried to do the conversions in our heads. Most restaurants and tapas bars included the tip in the bill when dining out. I was told the best conversion rate was obtained by the use of a credit card, which was fine, but this often helped me lose track of exactly how much I was spending.

One of the funniest and most memorable food stories came from a student from Gettysburg College who also studied in Spain:

I wanted to cook my family an authentic and traditional American Thanksgiving dinner. For my Spanish “mother,” I made a list (in Spanish) of what was needed: turkey, bread, cranberry sauce, etc. I had never actually cooked a turkey before and figured that it couldn’t be very difficult! I called my mom long distance to get some tips on basting and cooking.

I was rather confident until the doorbell rang and I was greeted with the delivery of a fully feathered, all appendage-connected, eighteen-pound turkey! It came complete with everything but the “gobble gobble.” Mortified, I wanted to run to my room and weep. Most importantly, though, I did not want to offend the ever so excited and grateful family with whom I was staying. I turned to the poor, lifeless turkey, closed my eyes and said “Off with your head!” The procedure was far more challenging than I ever imagined. Nevertheless, I plucked, cleaned, and cooked the bird and created one of the best-tasting Thanksgiving dinners ever!

Following the Rules

I try to be responsible for myself, but sometimes I can do stupid stuff. One morning, I overslept. I will admit that I had been out socializing with some of our group the night before. When I raced to the location of our university bus, it had gone. I was left alone in the middle of Seville! (This was not the city where we were living, so I had no idea where I was.) I was angry that they had left me. I decided to try to get to the next city on our agenda on my own and, in my broken Spanish, bought a bus ticket and got there.

I was proud of myself as I found and joined our group. Unfortunately, my chaperone didn’t seem to share my sentiments since this wasn’t the first time I had missed a side trip. I got lectured and warned that, if it happened again, I might get sent back to the States. I was not happy with this response, but I swallowed my pride, apologized, promised to be on time in the future, and fortunately was allowed to stay.

On Your Own

The schedule set by the university permitted us to have one free weekend. We all looked forward to our chance to travel via train or bus to locations not included on our itinerary. A few of us planned a weekend trip to Marbella; a true gem nestled in Costa del Sol. We bought our own bus tickets, traveled with the locals, and stayed in a little out-of-the way hotel. This, in itself, made for a learning experience. We got to further explore the country, make foreign friends, and truly practice and use our Spanish.

One of my entrepreneurial friends, who studied abroad for an entire semester, knitted scarves and sold them at the local outdoor market. She had fun meeting the people, speaking the language, and making extra money.

Other students enjoyed the cheap rail passes of Europe and traveled on free weekends to surrounding European countries. Of course, the guides and chaperones should always be notified when one is leaving the group. Most importantly, it is safest not to travel alone; try to have others join you.

The six weeks passed so quickly. We traveled to several cities and took in the culture, art, and history. When it was finally time to come home, I truly missed my Spanish family, my university family, and such a beautiful country and experience. I found myself sad to be leaving my piece of Spain behind but appreciated the opportunity to have had such a wonderful experience.

When I returned home, I found that I was ready to see my family and friends, eat a good American hamburger, and reacquaint myself with the comforts of home. My pictures of what I experienced tell good stories and bring great memories. I truly hope to return to those exact spots someday.

Tips from Mom for Parents

1. Discuss safety issues with your traveling student: Confronting mishaps and dangers in a foreign country can be much more challenging than dealing with them in the United States. Post 9/11 issues have put more of an emphasis on the importance of knowing and respecting the areas outside of the U.S. and its laws. The sponsor of the program will undoubtedly make available updated information about customs and laws of the particular country. The challenge for parents is to make sure their traveler takes the time to familiarize himself with the information.

2. Be aware of differences in communication: Many cultures have dissimilar ways and habits. Some of our culture’s expressions in language can be quite offensive in other parts of the world. As they say, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do!” Respect their ways.

Remember that body language, too, projects a message through hand gestures, facial expressions, and eye contact. It is important for the student to research the country to which he or she is traveling, in order to avoid unintentional miscommunication.

3. Know the acceptable wardrobe: The way we dress is body language as well. Traveling students should be familiar with the proper dress in the part of the world in which they are traveling. What is accepted here in America might not be appropriate in other countries.

4. Apply for—and pack—proper documentation: Know the types of documentation your student will need such as passport and student visa. Apply well before the journey for either of these! It can take several weeks to receive documents back.

5. Design a plan to communicate with each other: Parents and student should work out a schedule for keeping in touch. Email is the easiest and least expensive form of communication from overseas, with internet cafes widespread in most countries.

Tips from Steff for Students

1. If you have the interest and the chance, go! If you have an opportunity to immerse yourself in another culture by living abroad, you should consider yourself lucky. It can be one of the best experiences in your college career and even in your life. If financing is a challenge, some schools may offer scholarships for students to go abroad. Find out!

First find what programs your college offers. Decide on a country that interests you or is related to your studies. Each program will have an outline of class expectations, schedules and transferable credits. Be aware, however, if you chose to join a group from another university, you may want to see what credits will transfer and count toward graduation. Some credits will not count toward graduation but will certainly count toward living and understanding life!

2. Familiarize yourself with your surroundings: Be sure to explore your new location during daylight so you won’t get lost or caught in the dark or in unsafe areas. If you venture out unprepared, you might get stranded with no cabs around and a language barrier. This can be a frightening experience.

3. Never carry too much cash: People from other countries know when there are tourists in town. Assume con artists or thieves might try to take advantage of you. Keep digital cameras, passports, and wallets in a fanny pack or other safe spot.

4. Carry a map with you at all times: Even though it may scream “tourist,” always carry a map of the city. If you’re not good at reading it, you can ask a local to point to where you are trying to go. In most places, you will find them eager to help you.

5. Before you leave, familiarize yourself with the currency of the country: Spend time learning the currency difference. This will help you when you are spending money abroad. One student from Dickinson College shared her experience of miscalculation when she attempted to use her mother’s bankcard in an ATM abroad. She intended to withdraw $20.00 U.S. and withdrew $500.00!

6. On your free time, don’t travel alone: Stay in groups. This way, you all can look out for each other.

7. Check in now and then with Mom and Dad: It is good to let your family know your whereabouts. Email is available at schools or internet cafes around the major cities.

8. Try to leave your personal problems at home: Taking personal issues on your abroad experience can ruin the experience for you and others in the group. (There was a girl on our trip who had a serious boyfriend at home, whom she called and cried about everyday. She counted the days until she returned home. I thought she might regret it when she returned, wasting all of her time dwelling on a circumstance far away. Her boyfriend broke up with her the week she returned! She later regretted missing out on much of the experience of living abroad.)

9. Make friends abroad and keep in touch! You will meet tons of people while being away. Not only do you get to know the locals, but also your travel group and other students studying abroad from different schools. I met so many interesting people. Looking back, I wish I had kept in better touch with the friends I made in Spain.

Email:

We received this email from a parent who was very excited to hear from her son studying abroad in Rome. It’s communication like this that keeps everyone together.

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Dear Mom and Dad,

I feel like I’m a little kid again writing you a letter at summer camp. If I remember correctly, I should start the letter off with “I want” or “I need.” However, I’ve grown up quite a bit since those days and I feel I should start this email another way.

Rome is fantastic! I love it. The flight over was good. I sat next to a middle-aged American businessman who was traveling to India. We talked about movies and politics for a lot of the way. By the time I got to Paris, I was a little tired, but I managed to make my way and make my flight. Unfortunately, my luggage did not. So, Mom, this is when you are probably saying, “I told you so.” You were right and I hate to admit it, but I was glad to have the extra pair of boxers and shirt with me.

They still don’t have my luggage to me, even with my persistent calling. It is unfortunate because I need to wear pants tomorrow for the Vatican and St. Peter’s Church but I’m going to borrow a pair from another kid in my trip. Which brings me to my next topic: the people. They are great. Really interesting people from Virginia, Florida, Ohio, and other places. They are all really nice, and very interested in travel, etc.

So far I have seen the Pantheon, the Forum, the Coliseum, and some other local stuff. On no sleep, I managed to walk around Rome yesterday by myself for a while until I met up with everyone else at the hotel. We move into our apartment tomorrow. The food is amazing and yes, the wine is that much better. As for the running of the bulls trip, I’m in debate at the moment. I’d miss a day excursion to Tuscany which I want to go to. I’m not completely sure, but I’m leaning towards not going at the moment and maybe flying to Florence for the weekend instead. What a life I live!

I’m having a great time, and about to go out to dinner, then out with some other Americans we met tonight, so as they say in Roma—Ciao!

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